Resolutions Revisited

Remember your Resolutions made on the 31st December? How are they working out for you on 31st January?

What was it that you wanted to change? What was your goal after reading the ‘So Tell Me What You Want; What You Really, Really Want’ Blog?
Are you still rocking your resolutions?
You are? Congratulations! I am proud of you (and your coach/resolution buddy)
You’re not? Welcome to the club! How would you like to review, regroup and reset together and make it a Fantastic February Resolution instead?

Great! Let’s look at what may be holding you back.
For those of you who chose a physical challenge (getting fitter or healthier), it hurts to suddenly wake up and push those muscles out of their comfort zone-we all know that feeling. But it isn’t any different for those of us who wanted to change a limiting attitude, develop a positive habit or break old patterns. Change can be liberating but also painful-and not just to our physical muscles! Breaking out of past habits wakes up all our inner Fear Monsters whose job it is, and always been, to keep us safe in our comfort zone where they can keep an eye on us!

Without over thinking it and with zero judgments, allow the core reason why you haven’t kept to your resolution to float to the surface. Look at the coloured speech- and thought bubbles below and ask yourself which colour you most recognise yourself in? What about the main relationships in your life?

How do I have a fairly good idea what’s going on in your mind and that of your closest relationships? Am I a mind reader? No, this is a well-known relationship cycle that plays out all around us. Think of your favourite Rom-Coms, Disney films, Sit-Coms and even some cartoons. It is the same ‘Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer’ relationship dynamic that we love being entertained by. It’s not so much fun when we’re playing our roles daily with little hope of a ‘Prince Charming-Happy After’ though, is it? This ‘Drama Triangle’ was first developed by Stephen Karpman back in 1968 and sets out to explain this repeating relationship dynamic, how it plays out between us and what this can mean for how we see ourselves, our world and all the players in it.

Click here to find out more about the Drama Triangle in this great video by Lauren Kress.

You can Google so much more about what this triangle is and how it affects us, but basically, the most important issue in terms of getting those resolutions up and running successfully is to consider what your script behind the triangle is. Where do you recognise yourself in the Triangle? It’s not always easy to see ourselves and our blind-spots at first. Most often we need someone else to hold the mirror up for us but, being as honest as you can or, even better, sharing your explorations with your coach, consider these questions:

  • If you were a character in a well-known book or film, who or what would you be?
  • If you and the close relationships around you were cast for roles in a fairy tale, which would it be and which roles would you all be given?
  • What are you assuming that keeps you in your role?
  • What are you assuming about the stage your life plays on and the roles of other players that hold you back?
  • Write down all your assumptions that hold you in your role.
  • How will the story end if you do not change your script?

Are your assumption true or is it part of your character’s script? Is it part of old belief patterns and habits or is it genuinely what you really want from life?

“You can’t change the past but you can start where you are and change your future story.” – C.S. Lewis

It’s choice time. Do you choose to allow this pattern to continue as your life’s predetermined script or do you choose to take the pen of life and choose your role, who you want your character to be and the ending you want them to have?

Are you ready to write the next chapter of your story with a different ending in mind?

Think once more about your original resolution. Is it still what you want or is it what your old character told you that you ‘should’ want? Has what you really, really want changed focus along with your new character and script?

Rewrite your Fantastic February Resolution here in no more than 4 extra words. Take a moment to get yourself into character first and let them tell you what they really, really want:

Have fun with it and feel free to get in touch if you find yourself in need of a trusty Side-Kick!

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